we talked yesterday night on the phone. wow first time in a month, and it felt so amazing just hearing your voice. I honestly did not even expect to have you pick up. It may seem like I’m being too dramatic about the situation still and that I am just seeking attention, but honestly I don’t give a crap about what your friends may think. Why? Because 20 years from now it shouldn’t matter what THEY thought, but rather what YOU thought. You said that you knew what I was trying to do and that you’d rather stay friends. I tried to stay as calm as possible over the phone without breaking down. I couldn’t help it. I just miss you too much. I swore I heard you call me babe, maybe it slipped? forced of habit? or i just miss you too much and I heard it myself and you didn’t even say it. I miss you, and you even said you still miss me. (a little) but i mean that still means you miss me. Which means there MUST be hope? No..
I went to Arcadia Park today for my meet, and wow everywhere in Arcadia the whole ride there without even wanting to think about you, all these thoughts soared through. I don’t know…
As anticipated you didn’t show up to my meet. I saw Justin’s snapchat with Christian and him in your house. I payed little to no attention to what they were doing, but more so to see if you threw or put anything that I’ve given you away.
I still really miss you, and am still waiting for the day that maybe you’ll miss me back.
I sent you a text yesterday night “hi”. I got no response, expected.
is it crazy that i still wish that you just might miss me ?
Hi. Maybe you remember me? Do you? No? Imissyou. Do you miss me? No? It’s okay. I had a feeling. I’ve been thinking about you everyday and I have everything you gave me. I wonder what you’re doing right now. Vindictive maybe? Sleeping? Studying really hard? Well whatever it is I’m sure it’s not thinking of me. Imissyou Garret. Can we try again?
No? That’s fine. I can just distract myself. Its been about a month now. And I miss you more and more. I just want to know how you’re doing. How is school. Did you get into the schools you wanted. Are your grades good.? Do you get more sleep now? Are you happy? I really miss you. And what sucks is that no matter how much I miss you, it doesn’t bring me back in your life. Does it? No it doesn’t. Am I a fool to be waiting. Waiting for these nearly impossible feelings from you for meto brew again.
Sorry for taking you for granted. Iloveyou. I still do.
Here’s to the slight chance that maybe you’d remember that tomorrow is my first ever swim meet . To the slight chance that maybe you’ll come not as my boyfriend anymore;but maybe just a friend-or enemy. or maybe not come at all. I’ll still be hoping that you’ll show up. and even with the slim slim chance that you do i’ll know that you still think of me? sigh.. ok.. here’s to my first swim meet and a lack of soul.
I find myself tempted to just pick up the phone and call you, but i also think to myself what use is that ? That phone call won’t bring you back, it’s not going to magically wake you up. You probably don’t even think about me, and don’t miss me. Why do I then? Why do I still love you? Why love someone that doesn’t love you back? oh irene how silly of you to have these movie like fantasies.
"I stay up
until 2 am
it as at this time
I can use the lateness
as an excuse
to say terribly emotional things
and get away with saying them.
Let me tell you
I am constantly
thinking of these things
that I say to you
at 2 am."